(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
Honestly, I don't understand why people have to go out in such large groups.
Because they like each other. They're friends.
Why go out with so many in one hit?
Spread them out, there's seven days in a week, what are they doing?
- I mean, that fella there on the end. - What?
Is he ever going to speak to the fella on this end all night?
What's the point?
He's got to send him a text to have a chat.
Don't worry about it, it's not going to be a problem for you.
You don't have many friends.
That's why you're going away for the weekend, alone.
Why is that so weird to you, that I just want a bit of time away?
Listen, there's nothing wrong with that.
What I don't want to do, is just end up knocking around with someone
who's an absolute loon, just so I can say I've got a mate.
You know what they say, it's an old saying,
"A stranger is a friend you haven't yet met."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I can't be doing with that.
I prefer to keep them as strangers, if I'm honest.
People become more annoying once you know them.
For me, it's enough just knowing a few faces.
That's all I need, just a little bit of acknowledgement,
someone giving a nod and I give a nod back, that's enough.
I don't want any more than that.
As soon as you start knowing their names,
that's when they start telling you all their problems
and getting involved and all that shit. I just don't need it.
- A question for you. - Go on.
Those faces you know, which one are you gonna call
when you break down at 3 o'clock in the morning?
I've got that sorted. I pay the AA £39 a year, don't I?
You don't have to mess about like you do with friends where,
you know, they help you out once and then you've to start sending 'em
Christmas cards every year, or birthday cards,
or going to their kid's christening.
So you forget all that, don't you?
Friends can be a pain in the arse as well.
I didn't have a starter. So why am I paying this much?
Who had the meat samosa?
WOMAN 1: I had the meat samosas, so what's the big deal?
See this is what happens when you go out in groups.
That's exactly what happens when people go out in couples too.
Not as often as it does with big groups.
You've never been out with a group of people.
- It happens every time! - NORMA: No, it doesn't.
- It's all in your imagination. - All right, yeah. Whatever.
Because you don't like to be with a lot of people.
Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, you're right, yeah.
'Cause they're antisocial.
Do you think, it is like, a little bit odd
wanting to go away on me own or what?
Are you winding me up?
No, I'm just wondering.
But you spoke about this last night for about an hour and a half
- with Norma. - Yeah.
Trying to convince her that it's not a weird thing to do,
that it's normal and healthy, to go away and have time by yourself.
And now, you're on the way there and now you start doubting yourself.
You've been stuck in that space with Norma for like 10 months,
and this is a chance, this is what you wanted,
a chance to have a bit of time by yourself.
And you're sort of doubting it now.
- I'm not doubting it. - Jesus!
Well, who... Who would you go with?
Let's face it, Norma said, didn't she? That you haven't got any friends,
so who would you go with? Come on! Name them, name them.
Who are all these people you know?
And don't say Zoe because that's not happening, is it?
There's no chance of that happening, she's gone.
And even when you did go away with her, you didn't really enjoy it, did you?
Where's that place you went to with her, for the weekend?
- The Cotswolds. - Yeah, Cotswolds.
- BOTH: The Wool Factory. - Right, you hated it.
You walked around for the whole weekend with a face like a slapped arse.
So you didn't enjoy that, yet here's a chance for you,
to do exactly what you want and you're sort of worrying about it.
I'm not worrying about it.
- You're doing me head in. - Well, you do my head in.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Oh, tune!
(VOCALISING)
(BEATBOXING)
- Oh, hey! Hey, it's Karl, isn't it? - Yeah.
- Hello, I'm Megan. - Hi, Megan, you all right?
- Good trip? - Yeah, not bad yeah.
So that's kind of it really. Um...
Do you need any bedding for the pull out sofa bed?
I've just remembered there isn't any
so I just have to pop back and get some.
No, it's not necessary. I'm here on my own, so...
Oh, okay, yeah. Have you got friends in the area?
No, don't know anyone.
Okay, cool, well, there's some board games there which are quite popular...
- All right. - And, um...
The White Horse is only 20 minutes away.
That's a great pub, lots of friendly locals,
and there's live music. It's a great place to meet people.
- Well, that's good to know. All right. - So, you've got everything you need?
- Yeah, I've got the keys. Brilliant. - Yeah, okay, well, um, enjoy your stay.
- Take care. - I will do, will do. See ya.
"Perfect location to chill out with friends.
"Kathy, Phil, Dave and Rose."
I wonder if they're still mates after having that weekend away.
"Great place to have all your friends under one roof.
"Jill, Fraser, Sonia, Bart, Juliet and Niall."
Six people? All in one go?
Jesus, I'd need another holiday after that.
Honestly, it's tiring, innit? Wears you out company.
That's why, like, hospitals have visiting hours, isn't it?
Know what I mean? You're never going to get well, are you,
if people are constantly sat around your bed wittering on.
(SIGHS)
(MAN SCREAMING)
What the fuck...
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
What you doing, you dick? Leave it.
We're meant to be going to the shops.
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(SCREAMING)
- Can I help you? - Jesus!
- All right, mate? - Oh, you're the guy from the cottage.
Yeah, that's right, yeah.
Yeah, I didn't see anyone else arrive with you.
No, I just came away on my own, have a bit of me time.
Oh, that's why I moved out here.
Get to know myself better. Can't say I like who I found.
Right, it's just I heard a noise.
So, I came over to see if, you know, I could help anyone.
Oh, too late for help, mate.
That was me. I do scream therapy.
Yeah, they told me to let it out, you know.
Any anger, frustration. It's not healthy to keep that in.
- Right. - Yeah.
Okay. Well, um, I've got to nip to the shops
- so I might see you about then, yeah? - Oh, I'll come with you.
Nah.
No, why?
Because you're busy, aren't you? You've got your scream therapy to do,
you've got to let out the anger and all, haven't you?
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah, but I need some stuff.
Well, what is it you need? Give us a list.
Yeah, okay, I'll get you a list.
I tell you what you should get.
If that loon is going to be screaming his tripe out all weekend,
you wanna get some earplugs.
Yeah. They're out of stock.
Of course they are. Whilst he's been living round here,
I bet they sell more earplugs than milk.
(REGISTER BEEPING)
Are you staying in the cottage?
- Yeah. - Ah! You away with the family?
No, just on my own.
Oh, okay.
Well, there is plenty of activities for you to get involved in.
We do surfing lessons, paddle boarding...
Yeah. Can I have a packet of SureSleep, please?
Horse riding, abseiling, do you like archery?
Yeah, I don't really do that sort of stuff,
I'll probably just nip out and have a walk.
Yeah, no, rambling. Yeah, no, we do a great walk.
Actually, I think there's a cave walk first thing.
Yeah I just mean like on my own. Not with a group.
- Do you know what, it's very popular. - Is it?
Hmm. There's always a big turnout for the rambling.
That's good then, innit?
Ooh, mountain biking!
You can't leave here without signing up for the mountain biking.
How much is that?
Well, actually, the price includes all the gear and lunch...
No, no. For this little lot.
Oh, um, that is £38.69.
Yeah, you will love it.
It is very sociable. It's tandem mountain biking.
- Is it? - Yeah.
Yeah, have a look at that.
Jesus. Do you have to pair up with someone round here
to go for a shit and all?
God, it's really good exercise. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, I know you're doing your job and that
but it's not for me, that sort of thing.
Do you know what, a lot of people come here like you,
thinking it's not for them, but they...
Is she wearing the last pair of ear plugs or what?
'Cause she's not listening, is she?
Do you know what, you might surprise yourself.
I've told you, I'm not interested in any of that stuff.
I split up with my girlfriend 10 months ago,
I'm living with me aunty. I've come here for a bit of me time,
so I don't need any of that organised fun shit.
(REGISTER BEEPING)
- Here's your change, then. - Cheers.
- See you again then, all right. - Yeah, see you again, yeah, cheers.
(WIND HOWLING)
(MAN SCREAMS)
Oi, oi, remember when you used to go on holiday with Zoe?
You had a rule didn't you? Do you remember that?
Yeah.
- Right, what was it then? - (MAN SCREAMS)
Not to talk to anyone until the day before we were leaving.
That's right, and why was that?
Didn't want them to hang around with us all week, did we?
Exactly, so just put the bag down and leg it.
(MAN SCREAMS)
(MAN SCREAMING)
(EXHALES) You should have an early night, you know.
If he sees that light on, he's gonna be over here like a moth.
(SIGHS)
Where are them pills?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Leave it.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Ignore it. It'll be your new best mate, won't it?
What are you doing? You can't just wander in.
Well, you didn't answer the door.
So what?
Well, Maisie said that you popped by the shop last night
and you bought booze and sleeping pills.
- Yeah? - And beans and potato cakes.
Well, we thought you might have done something stupid.
Well... Why would I?
Well, she said that you seemed down
and you've broken up with your girlfriend,
and living with your aunty.
I mean, your life doesn't sound that great.
And she said she couldn't interest you in any activities.
Yeah, 'cause I'm not into that sort of thing.
Right, well,
I can't help but thinking that you should get involved.
You know, I mean, sitting here by yourself
isn't going to help your situation.
That's what I came here for! I just want to be left alone.
But by doing that, you're letting it win.
Get out!
Jesus Christ, you barmy bastard. I'm sick of this!
(DOOR SHUTS)
Right.
Bit of trivia. Science. Who invented the internet?
Oh, I know this.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
It's one of them, innit, that's always on, like,
Tipping Point and Eggheads?
(SIGHS) Why does the brain do this?
It knows it knows it, but it doesn't know it.
If it's not going to remember it,
it might as well forget that it once knew it.
Go on, who is it?
Tim Berners Lee.
Bastard! I did know it, honestly, I knew that. Go on, give us another one.
Here you are, music.
Who had a number one hit single with the song Shaddap You Face?
Oh, one hit wonder,
about 1980, wasn't it? Uh...
Joe Dolce!
- Yep. - Nice one.
INNER SELF: This is more like it, innit?
I mean, why be with other ramblers when you can just do it alone,
- and at your own pace? - KARL: Dunno.
INNER SELF: I mean, if they insist on like walking in a group,
at least make it a protest or a demonstration march.
Do you know what I mean? Otherwise, it's sort of pointless, isn't it?
KARL: Yep.
Hiya. Have you got a menu, please?
Will anyone be joining you?
No, it's just me.
Sorry, these are for larger groups. We've got tables for one over there.
What, by the toilets? Why can't I stay here?
A coach load of people could turn up at any time,
and then, I'd have to ask you to move.
I can't see the view from over there though, can I?
Oh, you again. All right?
Oh, if there's two of you, I can let you sit here.
I'm Karl, by the way.
Zach.
(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(SIGHS)
Come here often? Sort of recommend anything?
No.
Well, you can't really go wrong with a BLT, can you?
Have you heard of azodicarbonamide?
- No, what's that? - It's in bread.
Yeah, it's a chemical they also use it in yoga mats.
I've never heard of anyone dying from eating a yoga mat,
so it can't be that bad, can it? (CHUCKLES)
What would you like?
I'll get a tap water, thanks.
I'll just have, uh... Just a tea, please.
- Lived here long, then? - Four years.
It's nice. I like it.
You know, solitary confinement is a punishment in some countries.
I dunno, I quite like me own company.
Yeah, so did I.
Then there comes a day when you need somebody and nobody's there.
Thanks.
And I could just end it all today, nobody would even notice.
Have you ever felt that lonely?
No, I mean like, if things are that bad,
you know there's a shop down the road, don't you,
with, like, loads of activities on offer?
Like horse riding, paddle boarding,
abseiling, it's all going on. Get down there.
I don't do organised fun.
(SIGHS SOFTLY)
I don't either, to be honest.
I tend to stay away from anything sort of sociable,
which is bad really, because it would probably do me some good.
But, since splitting up with my girlfriend I just...
I'm too fed up to be around people, do you know what I mean?
Sort of catch 22, isn't it?
(SIGHS)
INNER SELF: Jesus.
Hard work, isn't he?
Sucks the life out of you, doesn't he?
Enjoying that?
Nothing wrong with these.
It's funny how people say, like, "Eating's a sociable thing."
But I think it's better if you just do it on your own.
Let's face it, if you do it with other people
the tongue doesn't know what it's doing, does it? It gets confused.
It doesn't know whether it's tasting, or, you know, talking?
Then you end up biting it, that's agonising, isn't it?
Your tongue can't multi-task, can it?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Who's that, now?
(SIGHS)
Um, hey. I wondered if you could help me?
What?
- You've met Zach. - Hmm.
Well, he's been a bit down in the dumps for a while,
and he has depression.
- Has he? - Hmm.
But he's really come out of his shell today,
and has signed up for one of our activities.
Yeah, I know, I told him to do that.
Oh, well done, yeah, that's brilliant.
Well, um, thing is though, it's, well, it's tandem mountain biking today.
Right. And I know where you're going with this.
There's not a chance, I told you in the shop
that I'm not into that sort of thing, so I'm not doing it, no.
- Please. - No, no. Definitely not.
Get someone else to do it with him.
No, there's no other single person.
Well, give him a refund then.
Look, it's a really big deal for him, and if he doesn't do it today...
Well, I dunno, he could end up in one of them slumps again.
Right. And what about what I want here, eh?
Well, you're not doing anything else, are you?
Well, no. But that's what I want to do.
I don't want to do anything. That's what I came here for.
Well, you could pick another time to be alone.
No. This is the time I've picked.
It's fine for him.
If he needs help, there's loads of phone lines he can call.
Helplines, Samaritans, hotline and all that lot.
Who do I call to say I want to be left alone?
All right, if that's how you really feel.
Yeah, it is. That is how I feel, yeah.
- Is that a definite no? - Definitely, yeah, see ya.
(EXHALES)
I'm sick of this.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
ZACH: I can't believe I got involved in this madness.
I hope you appreciate it.
Me appreciate it? What are you talking about?
I'm doing this for you. You know, all that talk about being alone?
It reminded me of me when I first moved out here.
I just realised we both need to snap out of it.
There's nothing wrong with me.
I've basically been roped into this to help you out.
ZACH: You just don't see the signs.
That Maisie from the shop, she reckons this is good for both of us.
I'm sick of her sticking her nose in.
Seriously, don't be doing this just for me, I'm fine.
And listen, I'm not comfortable with this speed, Zach.
Right, slow down now, Zach. This is going a bit fast, this.
No, this is what we need, mate, a dose of this.
Your bum's there though, Zach. I can't...
I've got no brakes back here, Zach.
I've got the brakes and I'm not fucking using them!
Zach, seriously, slow down. You're going to kill us both here.
Boredom is the killer.
- Zach, stop! Stop! - No!
(ECHOES) Stop!
You all right? Karl?
Karl? Karl?
Oh, mate, Karl, you okay?
(MONITOR BEEPING)
ZACH: I don't even know what happened.
You flipped right off the back, you were there and then you weren't.
I thought it was game over.
And I realised I'm not ready for that.
I walked out of there and tried to get some help, you know.
Okay, everyone. Can you please leave and let the patient have some peace?
- Visiting time's over. - (SIGHS)
- See you soon then, all right? - Yeah.
MAISIE: Oh, there's cave walking tomorrow if you fancy it, Zach.
ZACH: Oh, cave walking! (CHUCKLES) Cave walking.
(MONITOR BEEPING)